STEAK AND BARE BONES

“Love is patient, love is kind.  It does not envy, it does not boast.  It is not rude, it is not self-seeking.  It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.”  I Corinthians 13: 4-5

I

’m going to make a confession.  Sometimes I am assaulted by a streak of rebellion.  Everybody who knows me well knows that as a “little boy” growing up in East Texas, I was a dyed-in-the-wool rebel, but I am here to confess to you that vestiges of that rebellious nature still occasionally rise up in me and have their way. They often rise up, specifically, in the area of well-established, commonly-accepted aphorisms. 

            Yesterday I heard an old song on the radio that I’ve been hearing and singing along to for as long as I can remember, and I’ll lay you nine-to-five odds that you have too.  Here are some of its lyrics: “You always hurt the one you love, the one you shouldn’t hurt at all.  You always take the sweetest rose and crush it till its petals fall. You always break the kindest heart with a hasty word you can’t recall…” So far, I have no huge problem with what I assume to be the lyricist’s logic:  Vulnerability is indeed the thoroughfare on which pain most effectively travels, and thusly, many live the remainder of their lives after serious heartbreak stony hearted and heavily fortified against a repeated offense. I don’t think he was saying any of this in a bragging way but likelier as a confession of falling prey to the terrible temptation to take advantage of those who are easiest – the ones we know we have already “caught” and won’t likely run off too easily with our cruelty borne of familiarity and laxity of self-control. But then comes the final, climactic line of this would-be (but sharply failing to be) romantic ballad.  Are you ready?  “So if I broke your heart last night, it’s because I love you most of all.” 

Wait a minute—WHAAAAT???  Even my very sketchy research reveals that at least fourteen artists have made this sad and sadistic melody a hit.  I am astounded that I have easily and naturally sung these words for years without any recrimination from my conscience or even from my common sense, for Heaven’s sake!  (Yes, I do remember that the goal of my writing today is to come up with a worthwhile devotional meditation; truly, Your Honor, I am about to get to that very thing!  Can you tell I’ve been watching “Matlock”?)

            The lyricist here seems to be doing the devil’s work for him quite effectively, subtly gaining the agreement of thousands, maybe tens or hundreds of thousands that we always go around picking on the ones we love, bruising and battering the sweetest and kindest of hearts. He makes it sound as though this is normal— that this is just the nature of true love.  It ranks right up there with the much-repeated, grossly unbiblical, line from the 60’s movie “Love Story”: “Love means you never have to say you’re sorry.”  Both are attempts to give us permission to ravage tenderness, to despise kind vulnerability, to treat with scorn those whose love will surely easily turn the other cheek. That’s way more than enough commentary of these ridiculous notions for the likes of you, the choir.  I’m done singing to you about those first few lines. You can easily fill in the rest of the blanks.

            But about the song’s climax, I have a little more to say.  “So if I broke your heart last night, it’s because I love you most of all.”  Really? Is the indicator of some people’s depth of love for others how poorly they treat them?  Well, it does go right along with the song’s theme, so here, I suppose such a sad conclusion is to be expected. That’s written as a representation of the pagans, right? 

Our reflex answer is yes, but in fact, no.  I’m afraid the truth is that even with us who love Jesus and claim to want to follow Him, the confession of this emotionally worldly song bears out some sinister reality.  Many of us give ourselves silent, subtle license to maim those closest to us with our sharp tongues (or, just as often or moreso, our silent tongues!) and with our offhand treatment of them which shouts our testimony that they have become invisible?  I watch with mounting concern so many who act this way toward their spouses. This is no better than luring a dog into a cage with a t-bone steak and then tossing him only bare bones for the remainder of its life.

The truth, from God’s point of view, is that if we broke their heart last night, there might be several reasons, many of them understandable and even forgivable, but among them is not that we love them most of all.  It might be that they love us most of all, and that is why they were standing close enough to get burned.  It could be that we love the fact that they keep staying and giving us someone on whom we can explode when an explosion feels necessary for us to get back on an even keel.  It might be that we love their loyalty and faithfulness and ability to keep turning that cheek time and time again. But let’s not deceive ourselves into thinking that we mistreat them because we love them. The closest that can come to being true is that we mistreat them in spite of the fact that we love them. 

Ever since I caught myself singing those words the other day, these thoughts have taunted me.  I plan to go back and study in depth God’s definition of love and ask Him to help me be brave enough and humble enough to measure my treatment of my “loved” ones against His standards for us, His children.  He has given us lots of words about how He wants it done.  Will you join me?